* 1970 - Brought them a CD. They thanked me for the "Beatles-Themed Frisbee." I stopped them from throwing it but they called me a "bummer."
* 1945 - Showed up with a cell phone. "So you can go everywhere with a phone, can you?" they said. "But can you kill some fucking Nazis?" I could not. Also couldn't get any reception.
* 1800 - Gave a pair of Crocs to a woman. Ended up tied to a stake for three days for encouraging lewd behavior.
* 1500 - Found Leonardo da Vinci, gave him a toy helicopter. He tied a paintbrush to it and thanked me for this far simpler method of painting on the ceiling. "No way that Michaelangelo fuck is getting the contract now!"
* 1000 - Gave a peasant a Macbook Air. "Oh good," he said, "another thing we can use to shovel our shit."
* 30 - Gave Jesus a sleep number bed. He couldn't decide which side he liked best so he laid in the middle with arms outstretched.
* 2600 BC - Handed a video camera to the Egyptian pharaoh's court. They immediately started vlogging the pyramids.
* 10000 BC - Gave them a gun. They shot my time machine and now I'm still here.
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