Dating Notice

Uh, hi. I'm writing this blog because, well, I figure it's cheaper than a dating service and, uh, well yeah. I'm sorta looking for a date right now.

I guess I should start by telling you about myself. Um, well, my name is Brian and, um, yeah well that's my name. I work in a music store.

Lots of people ask me what my favorite kind of music is, when I tell them that I work in a music store. My favorite music is I guess rap. Here is one of my favorite lyrics in a rap song and I suppose it kinda shows why I like rap music:

From "The Champ" by "Ghostface Killah"

N-words want me dead
but they scared to step to me
rip they guts out
like a historectomy

I think this is a really interesting use of the word "historectomy."

In the song they don't actually use the word "N-word" but I don't think I'm supposed to say the other word that they actually said because some people might get a little, you know, uncomfortable.

Personally I don't understand how that word got to be the N word. There are so many better words that start with N.

The person I would like to go on a date with will hopefully like rap music at least a little because I kinda like to play it real loud while riding around town in my VW. They should also have a dream because I think that people without dreams just don't go anywhere and I think that people agree with me.

I have a dream. I have always wanted to own a boat. That's actually why I decided to get my job at the music store. I did some calculations and found out that if I got a job and saved up for eight years, I could afford a boat. They actually asked me about it at the job interview. They said "Where do you expect to be in five years?" and I said "Three years to a boat." Where will you be in five years? Hopefully dating me.

A lot of dating services, or at least dating tv shows, ask the question of where you would take someone on a date. I would take you maybe to a restaurant. We could eat some food, I'm not really picky about the kind of food so you can go ahead and pick I don't really care. I don't really know what we should do after the dinner, what do you want to do? You want to go on a walk? Okay we will go on a walk. You want to go to a movie? Okay I will call up the movie theater and see what is playing and then figure out if we can get there in time. Then if we can and we both want to see the same movie we can stop by the supermarket to get some candy and sneak it into the theater, although maybe only you should get something because I always chicken out and buy something at the concession stand anyway. I wouldn't want to spend money on supermarket candy I'm not going to eat when it could be going towards my boat instead.

Then maybe after that we could go back to my place, I guess, if you wanted to. I've got a nice little place above an Applebee's. It's kinda small, but it's nice because you don't need carpeting when your mattress can cover the whole floor.

This actually reminds me of a funny story about how I lost my virginity. That's I think the kind of thing I should be putting in my dating request, funny stories. I'm a pretty funny guy sometimes and I have said some funny things once. Anyway, it was my 21st birthday and my friend insisted on taking me to a bar to drink some beers.

Anyway, it turns out with beer that if you drink too much of it you get drunk! So I was pretty far gone. I blacked out somewhere around my third Smirnoff Ice. When I woke up, I was face down, naked, on a strange bed. I was groggy and tried to look around but there was something on my back. I looked back and there was this naked girl sitting there! She looked at me and smiled, and then went back to shaving my butt. I thought that was pretty weird and pretty funny! I would have stopped her there but she had only done one cheek and I figured it would look pretty lopsided if I didn't let her finish.

The next day I went swimming to see if I would go faster than normal. I think it may have worked a little, but my butt itched a lot so I wouldn't recommend it.

Anyway, that's all about me. If you are interested in dating me, please send me an email and I will definitely go out with you. If you are not interested in dating me but have a boat for sale cheap, please also email me. Make sure to put "boat" in the subject line so I know you don't want to date me.