TV Listings

8:00PM Two and a Half Men
Charlie and Allen go on a photo taking tour of the Louvre. Jake begins a sincere discussion on the status of photographs of art as art. Jimmy Fallon guest stars.

8:30PM The Office
Dwight quits his job and builds a home for himself on a beach where he can be alone. His beachside shack is found only after vigorous detective work by Jim. Dwight’s remains are inside, his hand clutching a diorama of himself as a Christ figure, revealing the squalor of broken dreams and loneliness.

9:00PM House MD
House begins writing a novel, a deconstructionist analysis of his own anger and pain. Upon completion of his masterwork, he finds international fame on the writing circuit but discovers he has lost his ability to cure people. We are all warned never to question the miraculous gifts we receive from almighty God. Plus, House acts like an asshole.

10:00PM The Biggest Loser
Blaine and Gregory consider the possibility that weight issues are not as important as reconnecting with their children who have refused to speak to them for ten years. Despite their offers of graciousness and kindness, their children refuse, reciting to the secret camera a monologue about bridges best left burnt. Blaine cuts out a section of her stomach, crying, and lays it at her son’s feet.

10:30PM The Simpsons
Homer displays through communicative dance his discouragement at being the eternally bumbling drunk father figure, relaying to Lisa the futility of any attempts at escape from the life which is so beneath her. Distraught, she detaches fully from the world and wastes away to nothing in a misguided attempt to free herself from earthly necessities. Her final words are spoken as she lays in her mother’s arms: “Kill yourself.”