Never Too Busy for Exercise

• Microwaving a burrito! Okay! Ten jumping jacks!
• Writing a paper! Type a letter, run a lap! Type a letter, run a lap!
• Doing your taxes! Lift a barbell for every social program you fund!
• Drinking coffee! Work those throat muscles!
• Spending time with your family! Bench press them!
• Committing fraud! Go skating while you go skimming!
• Taking your children to school! Carry them halfway and make them run the rest!
• Running on a treadmill! Do pushups on top of it! More exercise! More!
• Reading a book! Fuck the book! Time for extreme BMX! Never a moment's rest!
• Sleeping! Never sleep! Midnight is time for squats!
• Physical exhaustion! Work through it! You are never fit enough!
• Crying! No time for crying, loser! You're crying because you're not exercising! Keep going!
• Abandoning your family and friends to exercise! Do a chest press!
• The power is yours! The exercise gives you life! You are a God...
  
  The author was unable to finish this article due to death by dehydration while completing a marathon between each sentence. Our condolences go to his family, who will be too busy running hurdles to attend the funeral.