Pizza Disagreements

To Gerald Ferradoxine, esq.
WHEREAS, there was a pie of pizza to be ordered from a local practitioner of the FOOD to be delivered forthwith and with speed to the location in which both parties were residing,
and WHEREAS, the author of this letter did insist that he would be unwilling to consume or, indeed, to pay for any pizza unless it were to contain a reasonable trace of cheese, specifically of the mozzarella variety, as originated in the great land of ITALY,
and WHEREAS, the addressee did whine like a little six year old CHILD about wanting a vegan pizza, defined as one without a reasonable trace of CHEESE and therefore totally lame,
and WHEREAS, you forced the author of this letter to pay for the pizza because you "forgot your wallet," and further forced the author to view the film "Moulin Rouge" despite being informed that it was totally not the author's thing,
and WHEREAS, you were later seen eating a god damn chicken wing and aren't even vegan anyway and don't give me that "thought it was tofu" bull you tried last time,
it is THEREFORE DETERMINED that you a douche.