YOUR WACKY WEATHER

With Gene Silverman

What a day it’s shaping up to be! Welcome to my very first weather report as a newspaper columnist. After ten years in the local TV news biz, it’s time to make the switch. I'm wearing my Homer Simpson tie, and I'm all set to tell you what the weather is going to be like today!

I’m looking at the screen and all I can say is that it looks like rain, rain, rain in Portland for the next few days! You can’t see it, but I’m actually wearing a rain coat, and I’m inside! Isn’t that silly? An assistant just splashed me with a bucket of water. I'm sopping wet. It sure is going to be rainy!

But there’s good news for those of you in Eugene. Looks like it might be “heating up” for you very soon after a long winter! When I said “heating up” I struck a match, by the way. Just figured I’d mention that since I thought it was pretty clever. Yep! Pretty soon it’ll be so hot in Eugene that you’ll be playing “Ring” Around the Rosie! When I said that, I just jumped through a "ring..." of fire! Fire is hot, like the weather will be!

Over near the coast it looks like there’s going to be more and more wind. I’m writing this paragraph after jumping off a high cliff. If you look at me sideways it’s like the wind is blowing really hard! Boy, what a lot of wind there will be near the coast! Might be a day to stay “inside!” I brought a doll house with me for the fall off the cliff and now I’m trying to climb inside of it. Get it? Doll houses are supposed to be for dolls, not people!

One last thing, and that's to watch out for earthquakes in your area! Whoa! Earthquakes sure do shake a lot! Make sure you're shaking the newspaper while reading those last two lines. And that’s your weather for today!