Letters to the Editor

Dear The Pamphlette:
In response to last week’s “How to Cook With Sizzlin’ Drizzlins,” thank you! I tried out this recipe on my husband and he said that it was his best meal in weeks. I tried it on my boss and he gave me a promotion! I tried it on my state’s senator and he said he’d “never had drizzlins more sizzlin’.” I thought that was kinda lame but didn’t want to say anything at the time.
-Angela Frank

Dear The Pamphlette:
That review of the new Owen Wilson film, Drillbit Taylor was way off base. Owen Wilson has never made a bad film before and he certainly hasn’t stopped here. Clearly you’re missing the movie’s inner message about childhood involvement with the world of mercenaries. It’s a real issue, and Owen is a saint for tackling it. If Owen’s film is so bad, then where’s your film, huh? I bet you could never make a movie that good.
-Carl Weber

Dear Occupant:
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Dear The Pamphlette:
Okay, I admit, the first time I wrote in I hadn’t actually watched Drillbit Taylor. I’ve seen it now and it’s pretty shitty. Sorry about that. It’s sad that the film presented such a skewed portrait of reality. So uncharacteristic for the best actor of our time, Owen Wilson.
-Carl Weber

Dear The Pamphlette:
Your Obama article was a crock of shit! There’s no way that guy is under six feet tall. He’s 6’1”, 6’2” easy. I agree with you that tall people have been running this country for way too god damn long, but don’t let them pull the wool over your eyes! Obama is just another one of THEM. Tall assholes think they can tell me what to do. Here I am, the normal citizen, forced once again to write in Kucinich. It’s a travesty, I tell you.
- Grant Forester

Dear The Pamphlette:
After having watched Drillbit Taylor five more times, I must rescind my previous letter. This movie is the siren song for our generation. This film speaks like no other, and truly our master Owen is the leader for our time. I have already written twenty pages exploring the hidden meanings and references in the film, which is available for free on my website. Please read it, and I have faith that you will hire me as the new film reviewer over the close-minded philistine you have now. Thank you.
-Carl Weber